The ROOTS Method
You are not broken. You are someone whose anger has been trying to tell you something. ROOTS is the gentle, 5-step path we use to listen, to heal, and to change what needs changing.
Reset · Observe · Origin · Transform · Soothe
R — Reset
Calm the storm in your body first.
When emotions hit a 9 or 10, your thinking brain is offline. No insight, no plan, and no conversation will land. So we start where the storm lives. In your body. Slow breath. Cold water. A 90-second pause. Something to interrupt the wave so your nervous system can come back to safe.
What it looks like
- •60-second box breathing or physiological sigh
- •Cold water on wrists, face, or neck
- •Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch…
O — Observe
Notice what just happened. Without judgement.
Once you can think again, gently look at what set you off. Not to blame yourself. Just to see clearly. What happened? What did you feel underneath the anger? Sadness? Shame? Fear? Anger is almost always the bodyguard for a softer feeling.
What it looks like
- •Name the trigger out loud or on paper
- •Ask: what was I really feeling underneath?
- •Rate the intensity (0–10) so you can track it
O — Origin
Find the older wound underneath.
Today's anger is often yesterday's pain wearing a new outfit. The traffic, the partner, the colleague. They lit the match. But the petrol was already there. Here we look kindly at where this pattern started. A childhood need that was never met. A boundary that was crossed. A part of you still waiting to be heard.
What it looks like
- •Ask: when was the first time I felt this exact feeling?
- •Notice the unmet need (safety, respect, fairness, love)
- •Speak to the younger you with the words they needed
T — Transform
Rewrite the thought. Make a real plan.
Anger is information. It is a signal that something is wrong and needs fixing. So once you understand the message, you act on it. We rewrite the harsh thought into a truer one. Then we make one small, concrete change. A boundary, a conversation, a decision. Insight without action is just suffering with footnotes.
What it looks like
- •Reframe the thought into something fairer and truer
- •Name the one thing this anger is asking you to change
- •Write the smallest next step. Just one.
S — Soothe
Heal yourself. Repair the relationship.
You are not broken. You are someone who got hurt and is learning a new way. Healing closes the loop. We soothe the part of you that flared up, with compassion instead of shame. And where harm was done, we repair. A real apology. A kind word. A promise kept. That is how trust grows back, with yourself and with others.
What it looks like
- •Place a hand on your heart and offer yourself one kind sentence
- •If someone was hurt, repair with: I see it, I'm sorry, here's what I'll do differently
- •Mark the moment. Small wins rewire the brain.
Why this works
Most programs do one thing well. They either help you calm down, or they help you understand. ROOTS does both, in the right order. Calm first, because nothing useful happens in a hijacked brain. Then heal the root, because suppressing anger only buys you time until the next eruption.
Anger is not the enemy. It is a wise messenger pointing at something that needs your attention. ROOTS is the way we honour that message and turn it into change.
The science behind it
ROOTS is a unique synthesis of the most effective approaches in modern psychology, designed by Dr. Elizma van der Smit (clinical psychologist, 30+ years). Each step draws from a proven tradition, then translates it into plain, kind language.
You can begin today.
Every course, tool, and assessment on RootCalm is built on the ROOTS Method. Start with one step. We'll walk the rest with you.